Q:Whenever I talk to my mom, she tells me not to worry about her. Most people feel sad every now and then. But I am still worried about Mom. She sits at home, days on end, during which time she seldom talks to my Dad, and during which she looks sad and lonely.
How would I know if my mom is seriously depressed and should see her family doctor or a psychiatrist?
A:Your mom is right, and so are you: feeling sad every now and then is not necessarily a sign of depression.
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Sadness signals depression when it lasts a couple of weeks, takes up most of every day and interferes with people’s family lives, jobs and social networks.
People who are depressed often experience significant changes in their appetites, either eating lots more or lots less than normal.
They also have trouble sleeping at night, struggle to find energy during the day and lose interest in just about everything. They hide from their friends, feel hopeless, become irritable and are unable to concentrate.
Many people cry easily when they are depressed.
Of course, these are just signs of depression and not diagnostic signatures. Your mom needs to see a psychiatrist to get a proper diagnosis.
That starts with an appointment to see her family physician, where your mom can at least get medication if necessary.
The doctor will also refer her to the mental health team serving her community, including a psychiatrist who will consult on the proper use of medication.
As frustrated as you might be dealing with your mother, I would like to caution your impatience.
Remember that your mom was raised in a world that did not tolerate mental conditions, including depression. She was likely taught as a child that personal problems are signs of weak character and that she should tough out her sadness rather than ask for help.
Depression is not a sign of weakness and it is a fairly common condition. Roughly sixteen percent of our population are depressed at any given time. However, only 20 percent of those struggling with it will ask for professional help.
If your mother is depressed, you need to be careful not to overwhelm her with your concerns.
Be patient. Take her for long walks outside and listen more than you talk. Then quietly suggest that she make an appointment to see her family doctor.
She is more likely to agree to a psychiatric assessment when you support and encourage her than if you nag her into submission.
She is also more likely to talk about her sadness when the two of you are out walking in the fresh air than when sitting in the familiar setting of her living room.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
