Continue support and visits to family after the funeral

A: I do not know of any place more supportive for grieving families than our small prairie communities. Fridges and deep freezers are filled with prepared meals and lunches generous neighbours have prepared for the families. If chores need to be done, someone down the road will tend to them.A common complaint I have heard from both widows and widowers is that once the funerals for their loved ones are over, everyone starts to disappear. Once they get back into their daily routines, they do not have as much time for the grieving families.The sad irony is that for many people, the time after the funeral is the most difficult. A lot happens before the funeral, making arrangements and contacting families and friends, and the grieving family members are often in a fog and don’t appreciate the loss they are enduring.But once the funeral is over and those distractions are gone, the significance of their loss becomes apparent. This is the time of torturous loneliness.You can best help the family by keeping in touch with family members after the funeral. If you stop for visits and simply listen to them, listening even when they are grieving in silence, you will have made a profound contribution to their well-being.Grieving the death of a loved one is a healing process, but one that takes a long time. Too often the expectation is that those in grief need to snap out of it and get on with their lives.The wife and children need time to heal. The contributions the community made to the family before the funeral are wonderful, but they are small gestures when measured against your ability to listen to the family in grief.

Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.