Our daughter is a single mom with two young children. She returned to university two years ago to finish her degree in commerce.
We always thought that she just had too many pressures from daily living and never really concerned ourselves when she was worrying. This is something new to us. Is there any way we can help her?
Many people worry from day to day as they struggle to put food on the table and get the kids to the ball park in time to play baseball.
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Some have more worries than others, just as your daughter probably has. Keeping up with her university assignments in between looking after her children is a massive chore.
The psychological difference between worry and anxiety is that worrying eventually stops. Anxiety never does. It just goes on and on.
When people worry, they not only identify what they believe are problems in their lives but also consider possible solutions to the problems. If the solutions work, the problems are fixed.
If the solutions do not work, the problems are put on the shelf and people get on with their lives, tackling other issues that come up in daily living.
Anxiety is different. People struggling with anxiety never seem to satisfactorily fix their problems.
If they worry, and come up with a solution to their problems, they then start to wonder if their solutions are really working, or if they chose the best solutions, or if their problems will come up again.
The only way their problems go away is if they find other problems on which to focus their anxieties.
Generalized anxiety disorders are more common than most people realize. Estimates from the United States are that more than six million people struggle with it. The proportions are likely the same in Canada.
Of course, we are never certain how many people are struggling with anxiety. Often people are caught in anxiety without realizing it. Your daughter is a great example.
Looking at her life and all of the pressures of being a mom while also taking classes, you would naturally assume that she is going to worry more than others.
The thought that she might be worrying too much probably never crossed your mind.
I would not be surprised if you tried to help her by giving her a few extra dollars to treat the children, offering to babysit the kids or getting her car repaired so that she could safely drive to her classes. As helpful as that may be to your daughter, those actions do not help relieve her anxiety.
You can best help your daughter by letting her know when you think that her worries are turning into anxiety. It is not too hard.
When she starts to continually reject what you think are logical solutions to her problems, she is probably caught up in her anxiety. Her problem is that she is not aware of this.
Helping her identify when her anxiety is acting up gives her the option of doing something about it, either through medication, meditation or some good old aerobic exercises.
Always remember that while you can support your daughter and give her feedback, she is the one who is going to deal with her anxiety. You neither can, nor should you try, to fix it for her.
