A bouncing baby farm program is about to be born. As recent political rhetoric indicates, a replacement for the Canadian Agricultural Income Stabilization program is more than just a glint in Chuck Strahl’s eye.
The federal agriculture minister plans an addition to the family tree of farm plans; a sibling for NISA, CFIP, CAIS and all their acronymic ancestors.
Few of us have experience with the conception of a farm program. Our best guess is that it involves a lot of talking and consulting and posturing and thrashing around of the details. After that labour is completed, some moniker is affixed and the offspring is thrust into the cruel world of agricultural economics.
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That’s when the crying starts.
It sounds complicated, except for that labelling part. So while Strahl and companions are booking assignations and courting the program details, let us set ourselves the task of finding an appropriate name.
First, if this new program is just a revision of CAIS, we could call it FILE (Farm Income Level Escalation).
CAISIE is another possibility: (Canadian Agricultural Income Stabilization Injected with Efficiency.) That provides a nice salute to the old program, but with vast improvements.
Or we could revert to a tried and true derivation and call it SON (Same Old Notions) of CAIS.
No, Strahl probably wouldn’t like that. Besides, if he wanted to connect the Conservatives’ new program with the Liberals’ old one, he could just call it FOOD (Found On Other Desk.)
No, we have to dig deeper. And it wouldn’t hurt if it played well to the general public.
How about something that already has a great song behind it, and is also a reflection of something farmers deserve and desire? Aretha Franklin has the tune:
“What you want, baby I got.
What you need, do you know I got it?
All I’m askin’ is for a little RESPECT.”
It’s a tough one to work with but let’s take a shot: Responsive Economic Systemic Plan Enabling Competitive Tactics.
We expect great things from this new program, so we could just give it a name to live up to: SUPER (Support Underscores Producers’ Egregious Returns.)
Or we could call it something else we expect it to be: FAIR (Fluctuating Agricultural Income Reality.)
Like any new father, Strahl might want to name the baby after himself. That has possibilities. CHARLES (Conservative Help Assists Rural Landowners, Elevates Sales.)
If you’ve got some better ideas, and I’m pretty sure you do, why not send them in?
