Years ago quite a few bachelors who had immigrated from Scandinavia took out homesteads in the Grande Prairie area of Alberta’s Peace Country.
Roy Bickell was a prominent farmer in the area at the time and was often asked to be the executor for these men’s estates when they died. He told me after he had executed a few estates that he began to notice something these men had in common. They usually lived in one- or two-room houses and when he was going through their personal belongings, he always found a box of some kind – usually a cigar box – that had their most precious possessions. This would include the deeds to their land, a few letters from home and invariably thank you cards from people or associations whom these men had helped in some way.
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Bickell was a wise man who understood why these men kept simple thank-you cards among their most precious possessions. One of the things we humans crave the most is recognition and acknowledgement.
Later, when he was chief executive officer of Canfor, a large forestry company in Grande Prairie, Bickell regularly acknowledged his employees; not just his managers but also the “little people” such as truck drivers, secretaries and men who worked in the log yard. He said it lifted morale and made Canfor feel like a good place to work.
In the 1970s I took a time management workshop and during the second day we learned how to accept compliments.
You may have noticed that most people more than about 10 years old are uncomfortable receiving compliments. We wiggle and squirm and say things such as “aw shucks” or “it wasn’t anything” or in other ways deflect the compliment. This has the effect of discounting the compliment, along with the person who gave it.
Anyway, we were all pretty tired at the end of the day and the leader said, “do you want to see the energy in the room come up?” We said sure, so he had us form two concentric circles. The people in the inside circle faced out, and the outside circle faced in. The assignment was to give the person we were facing a compliment. It had to be an authentic compliment, such as “I like your sense of humour” or “I like the way you contribute to conversations” rather than a impersonal comment such as “I like your shoes.”
The person receiving the compliment had to say thank you and then add to it, such as “I like my sense of humour, too. I think I am pretty funny.”
That person would then give the other a compliment, and the other would respond the same way. We then took a step to the left, and repeated the process with a new person.
It was pretty hard for most of the group to do at first, but by the time we had gone around the whole circle, people were smiling and laughing and the energy was almost bouncing off the ceiling. Not only did everyone feel wonderful, but it helped build trust and respect in the group. We liked each other more.
Acknowledging your children is a powerful way to help build their self-esteem, no matter how old they are. I have met a lot of men who long to hear their fathers acknowledge them for something – anything. On the other hand, I heard of a dad who when his kids were small, would tuck them into bed, grab them by the shoulders, look them in the eye and tell them what he loved about them. He might say to his son, “Tim, I really love you. You are the neatest kid. I just love your energy, and your smile.”
Can you imagine how that kid felt?
Imagine the effect on the waitress down on coffee row if you gave her a coupon for a free movie rental along with a little card saying how much you appreciate her serving you every day.
What about the fertilizer dealer? The hairdresser? The check-out clerk at the grocery store?
And don’t forget your spouse. How long has it been since you have acknowledged that special person you chose as your partner for this incredible human journey? Maybe now would be a good time.
Edmonton-based Noel McNaughton is a sponsored speaker with the Canadian Farm Business Management Council. He can be reached at 780-432-5492, e-mail:farm@midlife-men.com or visit www.midlife-men.com.
