Words can have a big impact on our self-image and self-esteem, which is why it is good to use encouraging words and praise with our children and with each other.
Children who receive praise and positive support are far more likely to do well in school, be good business operators or employees and be good spouses. Children who receive criticism and blame do less well in the world in every way.
However, too often we are stingy with praise and encouragement.
Joe, one of my coaching clients, recently told me a story I have heard many times from other men: his dad has never recognized or praised anything he has ever done and has never told him he loved him. Joe told his dad he loved him – once – and said his dad didn’t know how to handle it, so he just laughed.
Read Also
Agriculture needs to prepare for government spending cuts
As government makes necessary cuts to spending, what can be reduced or restructured in the budgets for agriculture?
I know many men who have been hoping their dads would praise or recognize them for years, sometimes even after their dads are dead.
We seem to have a demented Puritan belief about praising others, as if it will give them a swelled head. But the opposite is true. All humans crave recognition and appreciation.
We also need to use the proper words with ourselves, especially when things go wrong.
There are times when we try things and they don’t turn out the way we want. How we describe the results to ourselves can have a tremendous impact on our self-esteem and on our willingness to try other things.
Failure is the most common word we use for when we try something and it doesn’t work as planned. It is a bad choice of words, though, because it rides on the backs of all kinds of previous messages that go all the way back to childhood. We might have failed an exam or even a whole grade in school, or failed to make the baseball team. Each failure tended to crush our self-esteem and self-confidence. Failure is a loaded word and not even particularly accurate.
Results is a far more useful word. Any time we do anything, we get certain results. They may not be the results we had in mind, but they are results just the same.
Results are useful. Failure isn’t.
Results say, “I learned something here and I can apply that learning to my next venture.”
Failure says, “I’m a loser. I failed. I’d better not try anything again,” and that’s about it.
Words can give us the courage to move on when things don’t go as planned or make us give up.
The BSE crisis in the cattle industry means families are going to leave the farm: some because they are just tired of the struggle and some because their financial situation won’t let them stay.
Either way, how they describe the situation to themselves will have a major impact on how they and their children interpret the whole experience.
A middle-aged couple that has been forced to leave the farm and who see themselves as failures may become disheartened, depressed, irritable and even be prone to accidents or serious illnesses within a year.
They will have low self-esteem and have a hard time becoming motivated to look for another way to make a living.
The same couple, who sees the situation in terms of results, will be far more likely to treat each other with kindness and compassion, which will make them far more able to move on.
Want a better life? Use better words.
Edmonton-based Noel McNaughton speaks at conventions and for corporations on Farming/Ranching at Midlife – Strategies for a Successful Second Age. He can be reached at 780-432-5492, e-mail noel@midlife-men.com or visit www.midlife-men.com.
