Fake news item: Joe Farmer, a scrappy man known for his family values, was arrested recently for allegedly breaking into the offices of a prestigious agricultural organization and initiating a conflagration.
Say what? The preceding paragraph allows us to introduce the User’s Guide to Journalistic Cliches, a glossary compiled by persons unknown – but quite likely journalists and/or those who like to make fun of journalists – that has been making the rounds of newsrooms across Canada and beyond for several months. We thought you might enjoy a sampling of newsroom humour that ensures we don’t take ourselves too seriously.
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Scrappy: a runt
Family values: right wing idiot
Progressive: left wing idiot
Recently: we lost the press release
Allegedly: he did it but we can’t prove it
Prestigious: has indoor plumbing
Conflagration: what was a fire in the first paragraph, a blaze in the second and an inferno in the third
Screen legend: reporter is too young to remember his movies
Informed source: reads the newspaper
Knowledgeable observer: the reporter
Knowledgeable observers: the reporter and the person at the next desk
Talkative and emotional: drunk
Hero firefighter: he put out a fire
Hero cop: he got killed
Street-wise: hasn’t been hit by a bus yet
War-torn: we can’t find it on the map
Legendary: about to die
Highly placed source: one who would talk
Intensely private: not promoting anything right now
Rarely interviewed: promoting something right now
Plucky: someone who is very young, very old or very short who is ambulatory
Modest, well-kept home: at least the roaches are dead
Elite: see prestigious
Outspoken: rude man
Strident: rude woman
Effervescent: she won’t shut up
Diminutive: under five feet tall
Petite: emaciated
Sexy: better looking than reporter’s mate
Moderate: fence-straddler
Good Samaritan: too stupid to run away
Innocent bystander: too slow to run away
Activist: will talk to the press
Dapper: hasn’t bought new clothes in 20 years
Shocking revelation: leaked on a slow news day
Hot-button issue: only editors care about it
A more complete list can be found on the web, here.
