Fake news item: Joe Farmer, a scrappy man known for his family values, was arrested recently for allegedly breaking into the offices of a prestigious agricultural organization and initiating a conflagration.
Say what? The preceding paragraph allows us to introduce the User’s Guide to Journalistic Cliches, a glossary compiled by persons unknown – but quite likely journalists and/or those who like to make fun of journalists – that has been making the rounds of newsrooms across Canada and beyond for several months. We thought you might enjoy a sampling of newsroom humour that ensures we don’t take ourselves too seriously.
Read Also
Worrisome drop in grain prices
Prices had been softening for most of the previous month, but heading into the Labour Day long weekend, the price drops were startling.
Scrappy: a runt
Family values: right wing idiot
Progressive: left wing idiot
Recently: we lost the press release
Allegedly: he did it but we can’t prove it
Prestigious: has indoor plumbing
Conflagration: what was a fire in the first paragraph, a blaze in the second and an inferno in the third
Screen legend: reporter is too young to remember his movies
Informed source: reads the newspaper
Knowledgeable observer: the reporter
Knowledgeable observers: the reporter and the person at the next desk
Talkative and emotional: drunk
Hero firefighter: he put out a fire
Hero cop: he got killed
Street-wise: hasn’t been hit by a bus yet
War-torn: we can’t find it on the map
Legendary: about to die
Highly placed source: one who would talk
Intensely private: not promoting anything right now
Rarely interviewed: promoting something right now
Plucky: someone who is very young, very old or very short who is ambulatory
Modest, well-kept home: at least the roaches are dead
Elite: see prestigious
Outspoken: rude man
Strident: rude woman
Effervescent: she won’t shut up
Diminutive: under five feet tall
Petite: emaciated
Sexy: better looking than reporter’s mate
Moderate: fence-straddler
Good Samaritan: too stupid to run away
Innocent bystander: too slow to run away
Activist: will talk to the press
Dapper: hasn’t bought new clothes in 20 years
Shocking revelation: leaked on a slow news day
Hot-button issue: only editors care about it
A more complete list can be found on the web, here.
