Relationships are often the most difficult type of addiction to recognize and deal with.
Because emotions and self-esteem are often so tightly tied together in an addictive relationship, most people deny the reality, and fiercely defend the person even though being with him or her is destructive.
What is an addictive relationship? They can vary. You can be addicted to another substance addict, depending on them to keep you company in your habit.
Although it is hard to break a substance addiction if your partner remains addicted, breaking the one addiction sometimes helps to break the addiction to the person.
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Most addictive relationships are from people wanting to fill the emptiness in themselves with someone else. This emptiness often goes back to their childhood. When two people are mutually addicted to each other, the addiction is even harder to break because neither feels they can live without the other.
An addictive relationship is easy to get into but hard to get out of. Not only do you need to realize and accept the relationship is not healthy for you, but you have to escape the clingyness and often extreme or bizarre behaviour the other person will use to try to hold onto you.
Addictive love has many faces. A common one is craving the other person so intensely we believe we must have him or her or we can’t go on. This is often seen briefly in what is called puppy love. If left unchecked, it can lead young people into unhealthy relationships.
Other characteristics of addictive love are that people lose their own sense of self and need others to feel complete; refuse or abuse the commitment in a relationship; can’t let go; want to totally change the other person, but are reluctant to look at themselves; and, always have to feel good through other people.
More examples of these dangerous symptoms can be found in Brenda Schaeffer’s book Is it Love or is it Addiction, Halzelden Press, 1997. Order it at 800-257-7800.
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. He can be contacted through his website at www.sasktelwebsite.net/petecope.
