Our children, nieces and nephews, and our friends’ children seem to be at the marriage age so we are attending many celebrations.
I am a collector of books and recently bought two good books about love, marriage and relationships.
The Hard Questions by Susan Piver is a book that my daughters have given to family or friends as an engagement or shower gift.
This book suggests 100 discussion-opening questions that couples might ask each other before they say “I do.”
These questions focus on home, money, work, sex, community and family. They are thought-provoking questions that encourage partners to discuss these topics to gain a deeper understanding of each other.
Read Also
Stock dogs show off herding skills at Ag in Motion
Stock dogs draw a crowd at Ag in Motion. Border collies and other herding breeds are well known for the work they do on the farm.
Any couple could use this book as a launching pad to deepen their communication. It is an easy-to-read 100 page book that can sit in convenient places to pick up, such as in the car, on the coffee table or in your favourite reading spot.
Love is a choice
Another book to set in the same place is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Harvest is a time when some of us get testy and could use love, appreciation and understanding. This book describes how to treasure the ones you love. Chapman writes mostly about the primary relationship of husband and wife, but his information applies to any relationship, including family and friends.
He asks: “Are you and your spouse speaking the same language?”
He writes that people express and receive love in different ways, and often we give love the way we would like to receive love. That may or may not be the same way our partner receives the love. If you express love in a way your spouse doesn’t understand, she or he won’t receive it as love at all.
It is a simple message, but not a commonly understood concept. The key is to discover which love language each of you speaks. What is it that your spouse likes most in the following ideas? Perhaps we each might like all of the languages, but which is most important to your mate? Chapman describes the five love languages as:
- Words of affirmation that include sincere compliments, kind words, encouraging words and words that affirm one’s value and worth.
- Quality time means giving someone your undivided attention, as well as togetherness, quality conversation with eye contact, listening and sharing time for building memories.
- Receiving gifts means physical presence. Gifts need not be expensive. Loving notes, garden flowers and pictures of the two of you could be inexpensive, but “touching the heart” types of gifts.
- Acts of service are about doing thoughtful things your spouse would like you to do or helping her do things. This may include tasks you know your partner does not like doing, whether it is vacuuming, cleaning bugs off the windshield or filling the car with gas. These acts of service require thought, planning, time, effort and energy, and must be done with a positive spirit. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love. This also involves overcoming stereotypes and not being taken for granted.
- Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love. Chapman cautions readers not to make the mistake of believing that the touch that brings pleasure to you will also bring pleasure to your partner.
To be a gift, touch needs to be done in the way your partner perceives as loving. It may be holding hands, giving a massage or hugging and holding in time of crisis. Learning that language can be a rewarding investment in your relationship.
According to Chapman, most sexual problems in marriage have little to do with physical technique but everything to do with meeting emotional needs.
Chapman encourages spouses to help each other by spending some time writing down what they think is their primary love language, then listing the other four in order of importance.
Three ways to discover your own primary love language are as follows:
What does your spouse do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply? The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language.
What have you most often requested of your spouse? The thing you have most often requested is likely the thing that would make you feel most loved.
In what way do you regularly express love to your spouse? That may be an indication of how you would feel most loved.
When an action doesn’t come naturally to you, it is a greater expression of love. Emotional love can be rekindled and you can work as a team. Although this book was written primarily for couples, it can also apply to children and family. According to Chapman, finding out the languages of love your family speaks can enhance your relationships.
Special chicken recipe
Dear TEAM: I was wondering if you could help me find a recipe? It is a chicken breast cooked in Pillsbury dough and served with a saskatoon berry sauce. – A.M., Carrot River, Sask.
Dear A.M.: I found the following recipe and tried it with this saskatoon berry sauce recipe rather than using the mustard sauce in the recipe. I hope this is what you are looking for.
Baked pastry chicken
3 boneless chicken breasts
Pillsbury crescent rolls in the tube
1 cup sliced mushrooms 250 mL
1 small onion, sliced not chopped
1/3 cup julienne sliced red bell 75 mL
pepper
3 tablespoons olive oil 45 ml
seasoned salt
salt
pepper
Italian seasoning
block of sharp cheddar cheese
3-4 tablespoons butter 45-60 mL
1 teaspoon garlic salt 5 mL
Mustard sauce:
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard 30 mL
1 tablespoon mayonnaise 15 mL
11/2 tablespoons milk 22 mL
1 teaspoon flour 5 mL
Heat oil in skillet and brown chicken on both sides at medium to medium-high heat. Season as you sauté with a little seasoned salt, salt, pepper and Italian seasoning. Brown the chicken. Set aside to drain off the oil.
In another skillet, melt butter and add garlic salt. Add mushrooms, red bell pepper and onion. Sauté in butter at medium heat until the onions are tender. Remove from heat and drain on a paper towel to remove excess butter.
Slice off half inch (one cm) thick slices of the cheddar cheese. The number of slices depends on how much cheese you would like on your chicken. Preheat oven to 400 F (200 C).
On an ungreased cookie sheet, take your fingers and try and spread out the crescent roll dough as much as possible but be careful not to rip any holes in it by spreading it too thin. Cut into three equal strips.
Lay a chicken breast on each strip in the centre. Smother with some of the mushroom, onion and bell pepper mixture.
Lay cheese slices on top. Pull the crescent dough around the chicken and pinch the edges so the chicken is completely covered with the dough. Flip over on cookie sheet so the pinched side is down.
Bake for 20 minutes. Check to make sure the dough isn’t getting too brown. Cook more, if necessary, to brown the dough until it’s golden in colour.
As the chicken bakes, make the mustard sauce. In a small saucepan at medium low heat, cook the mustard, mayonnaise and milk until heated. Don’t boil. Add a little bit of the flour just to thicken the mixture.
Spoon sauce on plates and then rest chicken on top. Makes three servings.
Source: www.parenthood.com/recipes.html.
Saskatoon berry sauce
This berry sauce is also great on pancakes, waffles, ice cream and plain yogurt.
2 cups saskatoon berries 500 mL
1 cup water 250 mL
2 tablespoons cornstarch 30 mL
3/4 cup sugar 175 mL
2 tablespoons lemon juice 30 mL
1/8 teaspoon almond extract 0.5 mL
Place berries in saucepan with water and bring to boil. Simmer five minutes. Blend cornstarch and sugar and add slowly to pan and cook until thick and clear. Add lemon juice and almond extract. Cool.
Source: Topp Berry Farm, near Regina.
Barbara Sanderson is a home economist from Rosetown, Sask., and one of four columnists comprising Team Resources. Send correspondence in care of this newspaper, Box 2500, Saskatoon, Sask., S7K 2C4 or contact them at team@producer.com.
