Unhappy teen a serious issue
Q: My son is in Grade 11 this year. He had a hard time last year because his best friends turned on him. I thought this would pass, but it seems to be growing, and I’m afraid for him. I recently came across some of his writings about the pain, hurt and loneliness he has gone through.
He also mentioned in them that thoughts of suicide were going around in his head. I have tried many times to get him to talk about it with me, or anyone that he is comfortable with, but he refuses. I’ve also noticed this past year that he never smiles. He is angry a lot and seems to resent me at times. If I ask him why he is angry, he will say he isn’t. I worry. I can’t be with him 24 hours a day.
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He was extremely upset when I told him I had seen some of his writings. I said I would not invade his privacy again, and would not tell his father. But I feel I should and have to.
His letter goes on about demons and a dark hole. It scares me.
I suggested he could take his schooling through home study, but he refuses. A while ago, he asked about quitting school. I said if he did, his problems would just be beginning.
He is 16. He does well in school. Teachers like him and he respects them. He is kind hearted and feels sorry for people with problems. He does not like to hear anyone criticize others. I know teen years are extremely hard, but how can I help him? I know I need to be a friend to him even more than before, but is there anything else I can do?
Should I inform the principal of the school? We got our other three children through their teenage years with little difficulty.
I’ve always encouraged him to ignore these kids. He says if they would leave him alone, it would be fine, but they constantly say things to hurt and embarrass him.
I’m at the point of telling him to give them a good punch, but I know he wouldn’t. Instead, he hangs up more holy pictures and reads the bible more. We go to church regularly, but I wonder if we shouldn’t for a while.
A: I believe your son is quite depressed, and needs professional help as soon as possible. Tell your husband.
Also contact your family doctor. Tell him what you shared with me. I’m sure your doctor will have him see someone at the nearest mental health clinic as soon as possible. Your family doctor may be able to get an appointment faster than if you just called yourself.
Your son will probably try to talk you out of this, but this is part of his denial of his problem and depression. It may be helpful to talk with the principal or your priest, especially the latter, since he may need some spiritual direction and correct interpretation of the bible, but in these cases, you need to consider your son’s feelings.
It is unfortunate that young people are often cruel to others, particularly those of their own age group. When a teenager starts to feel that a situation is hopeless, thoughts of suicide can easily arise. Once a person is thinking about it, the risk they may act on that thought increases.
There are excellent medications and good counselling available in most communities, although it may involve having to drive an hour or so for help. Don’t hesitate. You and your husband need to take the bull by the horns, even if your son is reluctant for you to get involved.
