Q: I know of a little girl who is crying out to anyone who would listen to her situation. I want to do something, but don’t know what I can do.
Her father gave her a little dog several years ago. She loves her dog very much and always took excellent care of it. But her parents separated this past year and her father kept the pet. She doesn’t live with him. She had hoped her father would let her have the dog on her birthday as he promised but he didn’t.
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This girl wants to know if she has any claim or legal rights to her pet. She has asked me to help her write a letter to a judge, a lawyer, a veterinarian, the humane society, her parents, her teachers, family members or anyone who might listen to her side of the story.
Everyone she talks to says that she’ll be OK and will get over this loss. They tell her she can get another pet. Others have laughed at or belittled her cause, implying that a nine year old isn’t old enough to demand anything. Well, she seems old enough to have the right to a broken heart.
She feels this dog is her possession because of the bond they had. I don’t think her parents realize how minor decisions, like where the pet goes, can be quite traumatic to children.
I wrote this letter because I feel this little girl’s human rights have been violated, and that she should have the right to express her concerns publicly.
A:I won’t comment on the legal aspect of your letter, but will pass the letter on for Don Purich, our Ask The Experts legal adviser to consider. Unfortunately, what is morally wrong is not always possible to correct through legal means.
This girl is being unfairly punished. It is bad enough her parents now live apart. But one or perhaps both of her parents are rubbing salt in the wound, and using the dog to do it.
In my opinion, parents who do not consider a child’s needs when they separate are being emotionally abusive. A father who makes a commitment and then fails to follow through is also being abusive and neglectful. I don’t know why the marriage failed, but I wonder if the father’s inconsiderateness was part of the reason.
I hope the parents will recognize the situation, but I don’t want to anger them out in their communities. That’s why I omitted your description of the dog. Feeling embarrassed would only tend to make the parents less flexible to change. Perhaps the mother found it hard to rent accommodation that permitted pets.
Telling anyone they can get something else in life to fill a loss is cruel. When you have something important, nothing fills that loss. And the hole it makes in your life takes a long time to fill. This young girl needs support and encouragement from others. She is hurting and telling her not to hurt won’t help.
I hope that both parents recognize the pain and anguish this little girl is going through. I hope they will back down from their own tensions and problems and focus on their daughter.
And if this girl does get to see or keep her dog, please tell me.
