Dealing with resistance to a family pet – Coping

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Published: July 1, 2004

The decision to have a family pet needs to be made by the parents or adults in the home, not the children.

A couple may have different feelings about pets. Some adults, particularly those raised on a farm, may see animals as not belonging in a house. Other adults find reassurance in having household pets. The issue can cause much tension in a marriage if not handled properly.

Each partner needs to share his or her experience with pets, both positive and negative, and explore ways the negative issues can be dealt with creatively.

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On a farm, dogs and cats serve important roles in rodent control and in acting as an automatic intruder alarm when someone enters the yard. The key is deciding if the animal is a farm worker or a family pet. If the right choice of pet is made, a rural family can benefit from both purposes.

A companion pet is company and a source for giving and receiving affection. Yet in some situations, such as sled dogs or guard dogs, they need to have the boundaries of their roles set for them.

Size is a key factor in choosing a dog or cat. A large dog takes up a lot of space and knocks things over more easily. A smaller animal is easier to take on a holiday or to the vet. Equally important is getting an animal young enough so you can train it to a routine.

Dogs are intensely loyal and affectionate, but require more attention and responsibility than a cat. A cat’s self-reliance often gets to the point that one wonders if the cat owns and controls its family.

Although we don’t have a cat now, previous experience showed that a kitten from a home where its mother was friendly tends to be friendly as well. The more aloof a cat’s mother, the less likely the kitten will grow up as affectionate.

Some families prefer small pets such as fish, turtles and guinea pigs. The responsibilities of caring for these are much less, but so is the human-pet interaction.

Pets are an excellent tool for teaching children to handle responsibility, but there is always tension between what kids say in order to get a pet and what they are willing to do once they have the pet. This is why it is often best to wait until a child is old enough to understand and sign a form of contract regarding what they will have to do. It also helps to wait a while until after the agreement is signed before getting the pet.

Have a friend’s pet stay with you for a day or a few days, if possible. This gives the children a trial run at showing if they understand how much work is required. It also helps the reluctant adult see some of the benefits of a pet.

A temporary pet also helps discover if anyone in the home has an allergy to cat or dog hair. Besides caring for the pet, you will also haveto deal with pet hair.

Try to choose a breed that sheds as little as possible if this is a problem.

The internet contains a wealth of information about caring for pets, either sponsored by firms that sell pet supplies or animal humane societies. I suspect there are even internet chat lines that exist for sharing pet experiences.

Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www3.sk.sympatico.ca/petecope.

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