Rude people can be difficult
Q: My sister-in-law is very rude. I almost bristle when I hear her speak to me or to others. The rest of her family allow her to be aggressive and put them down. She even locked herself in the bathroom at a family gathering when her tantrum didn’t get desired results.
Luckily, I see her only once or twice a year. But when I am with her I find myself avoiding speaking with her because I don’t like her lack of manners.
Read Also
Volunteers help exotic animal farm rebuild
Exotic animal farm loses beloved camel and pony to huge hail storm that gripped the Brooks, Alta. area as a community member starts a fundraiser to help the family recover from the financial and emotional damage.
I think her problem is insecurity. Yet, when I attempt to find areas to praise her, such as being a good mother to her children, she sneers and rebuffs my “nurturing” as she put it.
A: Rudeness may be in the eye of the beholder. What one person considers to be rude, another may describe as being blunt or calling things as they are.
If she knows what she is doing and how it affects other people, but chooses to continue, there is likely little you can do about her behavior. You can’t change her. You can, however, change how you react. You can decide if you can and will ignore that rudeness. Of course, the less contact you have with her, the easier it is to do that.
Perhaps your sister-in-law is insecure. And no amount of reassurance you can give her can cause her to become confident, unless she decides she wants to. But also, perhaps she is choosing this distancing behavior because she doesn’t want to be vulnerable and expose her feelings to others. Again, the more you pressure her to share her feelings, the more likely she will lock them up even tighter.
If a person is rude and blunt, the best response is to tell her openly and honestly, and bluntly but not rudely, what you like about her behavior, what you don’t like and what you would like to see changed.
Since rude people are usually impatient, it’s hard to accomplish that in a one on one conversation. They will either put you down with some rude comment or just walk away fron you. Writing a note to them may help. It may not change their behavior, but it will help you know they have been told how you feel.
Such a note must be confidential. It must be factual. It needs to report what you have heard her say and seen her do. Include the date or time of any incident if you remember it. You need to tell her what you find offensive in her behavior, and what you would like her to do differently. You also need to clearly outline what your response will be, both if she doesn’t change or if she makes some of the changes you’ve asked for.
Writing such a note is difficult. People don’t like telling others what bothers them. Only you can decide if the situation bothers you enough to do something about it. And all you can do is let the other person know how you feel. The rest is up to her.
