How to ask for a date
Q: I am in Grade 7 and I like a girl in my class. There’s an end-of-school dance coming up. I’d like to ask her out, but I’m very shy and I’m afraid she’d say no. What should I say?
A: You have to talk to her to ask her out. And this is scary in itself since you see yourself as being shy. If you think “I’m shy,” you’ll defeat yourself before you start. Instead, look upon yourself as being “reserved and sensitive” with others. See yourself as a “good listener,” and once you’re confident about that, talking will come on its own.
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But you still have to talk with her if you want a date. You can talk on the phone or in person. Some guys prefer asking for dates on the phone. It may seem easier, but it’s not always the best way, and you must have some privacy at home.
Person-to-person best
Phone requests for dates often lead to quick no’s. Phoning just to chat is much better. Talk about things she is or may be interested in. Arrange to meet and talk with her at school or in town. One good thing about a phone call is that you can use “crib notes” to help the conversation.
Whether on the phone or at school, invite her to share with you things that interest her. It might be her favorite (or least favorite) subject or teacher, or her favorite singer, movie or song. Let her know what you like as well, but don’t monopolize the conversation.
Lunch times or first thing in the morning are good times for doing this at school. Go where she goes at school, and make light conversation. This can be hard if she is always with a group of girlfriends. But take a chance, say “Hello,” and then see what follows. It pays to show interest in someone before you ask them out. But don’t be phony or try to impress them. It won’t work. It’s amazing how much the conversation flows if you just listen well and ask open-ended questions.
Once you have talked with her about other things, it will be easier to mention the upcoming dance to her. You could then ask if she was thinking of going to it. If she is, you could ask her if she would go with you. If she isn’t, you could still let her know that if she changed her mind, you would really enjoy going to it with her.
Some girls, or their parents, are hesitant about “going out on dates,” particularly alone, in the early teens. If that is the case, you could ask her if you could meet her at the dance. That way, you have a date in some ways, without it being an actual formal event. You could meet her there and even offer to pay her way in. And by the way, by meeting her at the dance and spending time with her there, you may get less razzing from your buddies.
When you are shy, you need to take risks. That can be scary. But the worst she can say is “No, thank you,” and that is no worse than what you get when you don’t muster up the energy to ask her. I will send you, and others, a handout called Tips For Making Conversation and information on shyness if you send me a stamped self-addressed envelope.
