Couple shares views of a successful marriage
Q: Your columns often reveal sad situations about marriage. No wonder you would like some fresh air amidst all the woes. We believe there are many successful marriages we don’t hear about.
Our marriage has lasted 55 years, and, by the grace of God, it’s been good. We’ve had our ups and downs and have not always agreed. Quite often, the words, “I was wrong and I am sorry,” can change the whole atmosphere, but they come awfully hard.
Read Also
Restaurant blends zero waste, ancient farming
A Mexico City restaurant has become a draw for its zero-waste kitchen, which means that every scrap of food and leftovers is reused for other purposes.
We believe that many marriages do not hold because they are missing one important ingredient – God. Both when you are courting and after you are married, God needs to be part of your life, and will give you direction when you need it. Will everything be bliss after marriage? No. Putting aside your desires to focus on your partner’s needs can be hard, but it is much easier when a couple feels that sGod has a part in their marriage.
We also believe that many marriage problems are caused by the husband failing to be the head of the house, yes, even the head of the wife, as outlined in Corinthians 11:3. We have many instances today where a man makes the impression he is the boss by using force and threats and ends up destroying rather than building his relationship. And what about the man who retained his first love to his wife, and has proved to be the protector and provider he had planned to be, and his wife will not co-operate?
We don’t expect everyone to see eye to eye with our approach. It worked for us. If our sharing can help one couple to enjoy married life the way we do, it will be worth the effort.
A: Thanks for sharing your success and the magic behind it. It is difficult for two people to always understand each other’s needs and to be able to handle stress. That’s why it is important that a marriage have a third partner present — a spiritual one, whether it is called God, the Holy Spirit, Jesus or the Greater Power.
As one reader put it, marriage is like a rope that is made up of three strands — you, your partner and God (as you each understand God to be.) It is that unbreakable strand in our rope of life that holds us, even when the other strands are frayed and worn.
An important part of this external strength deals with forgiveness, not only forgiving your partner for his or her weaknesses or mistakes, but also forgiving yourself. Forgiveness is a spiritual act and often needs spiritual support.
I respect, but don’t agree with, your views about the “head of the house.” Those ideas don’t occur in the teachings of Jesus, but in the writings of Peter and Paul. They reflect women’s extremely low social status in those times.
The idea of man being the “head” is not relevant in our modern and democratic society. Today, being a leader is more important than being a boss, and marriage needs to be seen as a partnership, not only legally with respect to property, but emotionally and hopefully spiritually as well. It may take longer for two people to work out a joint decision about something, but the joint decision will be a better one for the marriage when it is made.
(Editor’s note: Peter Griffiths is recovering from his operation, which he says went well.)
