In business partnerships, two people come together in a venture designed to benefit both of them. They choose to be in business together because of the mutual advantage it brings.
Marriage is somewhat similar, but it differs in special ways. It is, hopefully, lifelong. It is also more intimate, physically and emotionally, than any other relationship in life. And for many people, it is a spiritual as well as a personal commitment.
All partnerships must be based on respect, acceptance and equality in order to succeed. And they are seldom without conflict. But in many marriages people seem to be desperately afraid of conflict, fearing that one crack of disagreement may split the marriage open. As a result, people often don’t speak up when they disagree with their partner.
Read Also
Volunteers help exotic animal farm rebuild
Exotic animal farm loses beloved camel and pony to huge hail storm that gripped the Brooks, Alta. area as a community member starts a fundraiser to help the family recover from the financial and emotional damage.
Why not? Perhaps they are anxious or afraid of their partner’s anger or temper if he or she is challenged. Perhaps they are afraid of embarrassing their partner in front of somebody else.
Most often it is wives who hold back from expressing any opinion that differs from their partner’s. Too many women don’t feel comfortable challenging or confronting their partner, mainly because of false ideas both men and women have about their respective roles in marriage. It is important for partners to speak up on their own. They can do this without attacking or putting down their partner.
Acknowledge feelings
One useful tool is the “you count, I count” method of communicating. Before you express your feeling or idea, acknowledge your partner’s feeling or idea. This is the “you count.” If you feel differently, you can’t agree with him or her, of course. But you can tell them that you hear what they are saying or feeling, and acknowledge their point of view. Then you move onto the “I count.” You express your feelings or ideas as being different from theirs, but not in opposition to them.
Being able to acknowledge and accept differences is important in a marriage. Two people can’t always feel or think the same things. They may have quite a bit in common, and hopefully this is part of why they became a couple. But they need to have the right to be different and allow their partner to be different, as long as that difference doesn’t hurt or endanger them or others around them.
Speak out your disagreements with your partner in a positive way and be respectful of him or her. Saying “That’s a stupid idea” is abusive. Saying, “I recognize that’s how you see it, but I see it this way…” is not abusive. Disagreeing respectfully is the sign of a healthy relationship.
If business partners never disagreed, they would never come up with new and effective business ideas. Only when marriage partners have the right and freedom to disagree with their partners will a marriage gain new insights and ideas. That’s the only way that a partnership of any kind stays healthy and growing.
