Acknowledge aging as a time to share experiences – Coping

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Published: April 15, 2004

Grief is often seen as the reaction of people who have lost those who are dear to them. Such pain is experienced more acutely and more visibly when someone has been killed or seriously injured.

Grief is also a part of aging. This grief needs to also be acknowledged, especially with the elderly, whose world is changing and shrinking at the same time.

Aging is part of the process of living. Becoming old doesn’t mean you have to restrict your enjoyment of life, but the loss of social roles, motor abilities and sensory abilities that often accompany advanced aging is a real grief that people go through.

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Unfortunately, others often fail to recognize this because aging is generally a slow process. They don’t give aging people the support they need, as they deal with these changes.

Janet Brown, chaplain at Oliver Lodge special care home in Saskatoon, has spent a lot of time talking with the aged.

She has found that many aged people also gain insights and appreciation of their life, even as losses and restrictions are occurring.

One older person told me recently it seems that all she does socially these days is go to the funerals of all her friends.

Doors seem to close for the aged as they experience physical restrictions. Eyes don’t see as well. Ears don’t hear as well. Muscles don’t move as well.

But aging also allows people the opportunity to reflect on their experiences of life, and to share the stores of their their journeys. Brown told me she has learned more from the nursing home residents than they could ever learn from her.

Appreciation of life tends to grow with aging. Older people tend to become sensitive to the world around them, particularly with respect to relationships. They also learn patience with themselves, their bodies and with those who may be providing the emotional and physical help they need as they age.

Many of us, particularly when we hit our 60s and 70s may start to be aware of the griefs of aging. But we need to remember that aging is not an illness. It is a special part of the journey of living that presents challenges. We will have to recognize losses and grieve appropriately for them.

But we and others must recognize those abilities and characteristics we have that need to be valued and honoured. Value, honour and respect are the most important defences against an attitude of ageism, which is one form of elderly abuse.

Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is www3.sk.sympatico.ca/petecope.

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