Freelance Columnist
opinion
In Where Two Worlds Touch, the author reported a woman saying to her at the end of a counselling session, “if only I believed all I believe.”
The author then asks us, “How many times have you found yourself indulging in negative thoughts or behaving in a way you knew was not what you believed in, even as you were doing it?”
There are various levels of acting on beliefs, whether it be thoughts about ourselves, others, or the nature and meaning of life. Sometimes we only give lip service to things in our lives. Putting up a front may seem easier than committing ourselves to something or some purpose of life. Lip service sounds fine at first, but seldom stands the test of time or pressure.
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Many give lip service to dealing with personal problems in life. They attend counselling sessions or get involved in a self-improvement group for a while. But they either drop out from lack of interest or falsely assume they have changed their life.
Too embarrassed
Alcoholics Anonymous, which has a 12-step program, calls this two-stepping. Some people take the first step by attending AA and admitting they are not in control of alcohol or their life, but then assume their problem is totally dealt with because they haven’t had a drink for some time. Others realize they need help, but put it off because they’re embarrassed about reaching out to others.
Many people avoid action by using rituals to persuade or fool themselves or others. Going to church each week doesn’t mean you’re a devout Christian. Many couples develop hello or goodbye rituals, like a kiss. But it’s done out of duty or habit, without any emotion or energy in it.
Others attend self-help or self-improvement group, whether it’s AA, New Choices, Weight Watchers, or others, without making any real changes in their life.
The only way to “believe all you believe,” as that woman said, is to put your beliefs into practice by acting on them. Great intentions don’t mean anything unless they are carried out in action. But this requires three crucial things in your life – accountability, honesty and follow-through.
If you don’t hold yourself accountable to what you believe, or what you say you’ll do, you might as well not believe or think about it.
In my program for abusive men, they must admit each week if they were abusive, physically, verbally, emotionally or even in their attitude, to anyone or anything including themselves. When they first start, most men say they had a good week. That may be true. But it doesn’t mean they weren’t abusive in some way.
You change by practising what you believe about yourself and others. Others get to know what is happening to you by what you do. Your actions show your thoughts and beliefs. Putting beliefs into practice is difficult. It’s easy to chicken out. But the person you never fool, and ultimately the most important person, is yourself.
