Q: One of my friends has a
husband who is pleasant and a good storyteller, but injects a lot of crude, sexual jokes in his comments. I feel embarrassed about his remarks, but don’t know how to stop him. I used to laugh at his comments, but I don’t anymore. I think he knows I don’t like them, but he continues to make crude remarks anyway. His wife feels the same as I do, but he pays no heed to how either of us feel.
A: People who feel they need to spice up a story with crude or sexual jokes don’t take gentle hints. You need to speak out clearly and loudly and tell him that you don’t find such topics or his choice of words
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People use crudity either because they are insecure and can gain some attention that way, or they like to feel that they are in charge of the situation. Neither behaviour is healthy.
To start with, you have to make sure that he knows you don’t like those jokes or remarks. Here are a few ways to bring up the issue:
- “I appreciate your storytelling skills, but I don’t enjoy stories or jokes that are crude or have explicit sexual language.”
- “There is a difference between words that may be acceptable in a man’s working place, but I don’t find those words or stories suitable for here and now.”
- “You may think that story or joke is funny. I find it to be offensive. I would like you not to tell such
stories or jokes when I am around.”
Next, you need to talk to others in your social group privately, and see if they will support your comments. Not just women, but many men do not like stories or jokes that show disrespect to women, which most crudity usually involves. If you can ask one of them to support your view the next time the situation
arises, it may also bring support from other unexpected sources.
Peter Griffiths is a mental health counsellor based in Prince Albert, Sask. His columns are intended as general advice only. His website is petecope.sasktelwebsite.net.
