Q: Our grandmother turns 90 this year. She has some memory loss, always forgetting where she put her glasses or who is to take her to which appointments, which makes us think she might be in the early stages Alzheimer’s disease. Apart from that, she Is healthy and a pleasure to be with.
We want to celebrate her birthday but would like to make sure we do it right.
A: My first suggestion is that you remember that Alzheimer’s disease is a medical condition not a parlor discussion. It is not something you or anyone else in your family should be considering.
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It is between her and her physician, and even then, her physician is likely to refer her to a neurologist, a psychiatrist or a gerontologist if warranted.
The bottom line is that you can have a celebration with Grandma without worrying too much about Alzheimer’s or anything else and if she happens to forget which day of the month is designated as her special time, that is all right. You are always there to remind her.
Remember on her special day that Grandma is the star attraction. Everyone will be so happy to see each other, aunts and uncles, cousins, nephews and nieces, people who have not seen for years, they might forget for just a moment why they are together again. But she won’t.
Neither will she forget all of those who are not there, those from her past who have since passed on. Whatever happened to her husband, that guy who was around for so many years?
What about her children? At 90, chances are pretty good that she has lost a child or two, perhaps even a grandchild, and certainly some good friends, someone from the church or helpful neighbours. The people at the party are a support system for her, reminding her that she is important despite not being there with all those others who were important away back when.
While Grandma’s short-term memory might be a bit weak, her long-term memory is likely doing well and if so, I have a great project for you to consider. What would happen if you gave Grandma a scrapbook in which she could paste various photos that those who visit her brought with them? Those old black-and-white, three-by-five-inch snap shots and other images captured a ton of memories. Grandma might not remember the exact event or picture that was important to whomever is visiting her but she will recall the times and with that comes some interesting stories.
It seems to me that a scrap book put together by the family of a 90-year-old grandma would be nothing less than a treasure house of stories.
Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.
