Q: Six months ago my wife and I gave birth to a splendid little boy. We think that he is the greatest child in the universe. However, we are hoping to be a little more deliberate with our next child. We want to plan this pregnancy. The problem is that we are not sure what are the best time sequences. Should we have the baby as soon as possible after the birth of our first child or should we wait a few years and put some time between all of our children? We are interested in finding out what you think.
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A: I am glad that you and your wife are having a great experience with your little baby. Of all the many responsibilities that cross our paths throughout life’s journeys, I am not sure that any of them are as both demanding and rewarding as parenting.
The real challenge in parenting comes when you have to recognize that each of your children is a unique being. You might be having a great time with your first-born child, as well you should, but when child number two comes along, chances are good that the joy in his or her being is going to be somewhat different than it has been for child number one. He or she may not be quite so co-operative.
You can learn more about what to expect from birth order differences by carrying out a computer search.
I am not sure that we can give you a clear answer on when to have the next child. Babies can come any time: sometimes they are good enough to let their parents plan them, other times they just happen to be there.
Many pundits on child care say that families function better when the children are two years apart. You can opt for the second child in two years, number three in two years after that and so on, and that might work for awhile. However, don’t put too much faith in their recommendations. Child number two might be planned but research suggests that often careful planning goes out the window. Children number three and four will not necessarily follow your formula. They just arrive.
I don’t know that you need two-year gaps in your children’s ages and I am not sure that planning or otherwise necessarily make the difference in a child’s development. What is important is that you recognize each of your children as unique and wonderful pieces of magic within their own rights. What has worked for you and your children for one child will not necessarily work with the others. You have to learn to be patient, to listen attentively to each child and to respect their differences. And if you do that, you will continue to have fun with all of your children. It makes a happy family.
