Q: I am getting a lot of pressure from my two oldest sons and my husband to stop bringing my dad, a widower, over for Sunday suppers. Everyone is tiring of his complaints. He has nothing but rude comments about the time my sons and their dad spend on their phones. He is awful about our neighbours, people who came here from the Middle East. And he is forever telling us how much more frigid winters were when he was young. All of it is negative. I love my dad, and he has over the years been awfully good to us. I can’t say no to him, but I need to do something to ease the tensions.
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A: I cannot say that I blame your family for being unsettled by Grandpa. No one wants to sit down for Sunday dinner in the midst of groaning and complaining.
Try to be more compassionate to your father. The world he knew is gone and everything is different.
He could probably take apart that old truck parked behind the barn but likely does not know much about what iPhones can do.
The neighbourhood is also different than it used to be. People from around the world are bringing the richness of new cultures into our lives but they are different and I doubt that your dad understands them.
What would happen if you and your family sat down with your dad and shared the fears that all of us have about the incredible changes we have seen in the world?
My guess is that the fears that you see in him today are those that are likely to settle on your shoulders in the future. Perhaps if all of you learned to explore and challenge the unknown, your dad would not complain so much.
