In many small businesses, it’s common to see husbands and wives, business partners or mixed-gender teams running the operation together. It can be incredibly rewarding.

It can also be frustrating.

Why? Because men and women often think differently. Not better or worse, just different.

One metaphor I’ve found helpful over the years comes from the book Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam Ferral. It paints a picture:

Men tend to compartmentalize. Like waffles, their minds operate in boxes. One thing at a time.

Women tend to connect everything. Like spaghetti, their thoughts are interwoven.

Understanding this isn’t about stereotyping. It’s about becoming curious. And if you’re going to lead well — especially across gender lines — you’ll need that curiosity.

Here are three essential practices:

1. Self-awareness before strategy

Respect means not rolling your eyes when your spouse wants to talk about how everything connects to everything.

It also means you don’t shut down when your business partner seems focused on only one thing.

Respect says, “I see you. I trust there’s a reason you’re thinking this way.”

Curiosity is key. Instead of judging the difference, learn from it.

2. Ask questions

Demanding someone engage in a conversation with you is a wall-building venture. It says, “Talk to me now,” which almost always triggers defensiveness, especially when tension is high.

Instead, try “Hey, I’d love to understand more about what you’re thinking. Can we talk later today?”

Good questions invite trust. Demands create distance.

3. Be neutral and intentional

Open, honest conversations don’t just happen. You have to create space for them. And that space needs to feel safe.

That means coming into the conversation ready, not reactive.

Not weaponizing emotion.

Not trying to win.

Sometimes the best move is to walk away for now and come back later with curiosity, not a case to argue. That’s what real leadership looks like in relationships.

If you’re leading with someone who thinks differently than you, don’t run from the tension. Learn from it.

Understanding how men and women process, respond and communicate is one of the most overlooked leadership skills.

And it changes everything.

“It’s the way our brains are wired. Even before people hear us speak, they are deciding whether they should listen to us, whether the information we are going to share is reliable and if they should trust us,” she says.

Related story in this issue: How women lead with confidence in agriculture

“Even if we don’t want to be biased, we’re making judgements and evaluations. We have to mentally think our way around it. It takes stepping outside ourselves for a moment.”

Sergy acknowledges that it’s frustrating to still be talking about gender and race. “We have to recognize those elements of human bias and we have to work with them strategically. The longer we work with it, the more we work strategically, the easier it gets. But we’re not there yet. Good people can still be unconsciously biased.”

She works with both men and women to help them learn to project an air of confidence and trust, what she refers to as leadership presence. While leadership presence may come more naturally to some people than others, it’s a trait anyone can develop.

Leadership presence is valuable no matter what stage of your career, although Sergy says the vibe you give off will change as you progress through professional phases. When you are young, for example, she says your leadership presence may be more energetic and ambitious but when you are older it may be more reflective and philosophical.

Sergy offers the following advice for developing leadership presence:

• Develop self-awareness and self-control. Remain in control of yourself. You do not need to be a robot but show the right emotion at the right time.
• Look confident. Are you presenting the external appearance you intend? Stand tall with an upright posture and make eye contact. (This is generally true for North American cultures but may not apply to other cultures.) If you are a fast talker, consciously slow down.
• Listen more than you talk. Listening instills trust. When leaders listen to us, we tend to assume they are smarter although Sergy acknowledges this does take self-control.
• Accept and embrace impostor syndrome as part of being human. “I don’t know any high-achieving leader, male or female, who doesn’t express this. Learn to dance with it.” Her advice is to write an objective list of skills and career path highlights. “Ask others and take what they are telling you. You have the evidence in the list.”

What can you do?

Kelly Dobson, executive coach and fourth-generation Fairfax, Man., farmer says a common complaint from his clients is that they are working as hard as they can and that their teams are putting their hearts and souls into it, but it isn’t enough.

They’re burning out.

Being understaffed is a chronic problem in agriculture, says Dobson, citing two main reasons. First, historically, there has been an unrealistic expectation of how much an individual can accomplish in a day, a week, a month or a season.

Secondly, as the need has shifted from low-skilled to high-skilled labour in recent years there is an ongoing shortage of qualified help.

Unfortunately, when managers and employees are overworked, they are unable to be decisive or to think and act strategically, says Dobson. “The data shows working 60 hours or more per week impairs your mental abilities as much as being drunk. Then people wonder why mistakes are made or why they are not focusing on the jobs with the highest impact.”

Terry Betker, CEO of Backswath Management Consultants in Winnipeg, Man., sees farmers spending too much of their time working in their management function, focusing on the near-term (the next six months) and not enough time on the short-term (three to five years) or longer. “They would benefit if they could extend that horizon,” he says. “A lot of farmers have a lot of structure around the operational pieces but don’t have as much structure around long-term management.”

He says that looking further into the future to identify the end-state they want to achieve will help them make better decisions today.

Sara Chambers, an HR consultant who works with Betker at Backswath Management Consultants, agrees. She says that if farmers are feeling overwhelmed, the best place to start is to zoom out to the big picture. Once they figure out what they want their end-state to look like, they can work backwards to figure out what they need to do to get there.

“It’s really important for farmers to look at what they’re delegating and ask themselves ‘Are those things that I’m delegating going to help me get there?’”

“I’ve yet to meet someone who doesn’t have room to delegate better and more,” agrees Dobson, who has also seen the difference zooming out can make. “Being outcome-oriented creates a whopping difference in effectiveness,” he says, resulting in improvements in both individual mental health and the farm’s bottom line.

Chambers recommends farmers ask themselves what they are managing towards. Is it to be less busy? A different farm size? A certain financial position? Setting the farm up so the next generation can be successful? What will it look like when they have arrived at their goal?

Delegating the right tasks

What farmers have chosen to delegate is sometimes based on a knee-jerk reaction, explains Chambers.

Without doing any strategic planning, farmers may not be delegating the right things. They may be delegating the things they don’t want to do or the things they think are a quick fix. “Those quick fixes tend to get farmers on a hamster wheel … that they can never get out of,” she says.

Once you’ve prioritized what you want to delegate, Chambers says “You need to have the right systems and procedures to build out those roles to communicate what’s expected.” This requires building out job descriptions, organizational charts and employee manuals so that everyone understands their roles, expectations and accountability. The result is that “everyone is swimming in the same direction towards the desired end-state.”

If it’s not possible to hire additional staff, Chambers says it may be possible for current staff to take on additional responsibilities. Once you set your priorities, she says farmers may find that there are existing team members who are willing to take on more responsibilities for a pay increase. The increased responsibility may even result in stronger ties with these employees, who may choose to stay longer as a result.

However, she emphasizes that it’s important to include training plans for employees taking on additional responsibilities.

Betker suggests enlisting the help of a farm management consultant to complete a management assessment and to ensure the plan is implemented. Ongoing conversations between farmer and consultant can identify what’s working, what’s not and how to make appropriate changes. “Otherwise, it’s human nature to revert back to old practices,” he says.

Kim Gerencser, a financial planner and president of Growing Farm Profits in Regina, says that operating a modern farm is not what it was a generation or two ago and no one person has all the necessary knowledge — or can do it all.

He sees significant potential with artificial intelligence (AI) tools for improvements to how farms operate.

“There is potential for AI to fill a gap … to help create and standardize operating procedures, to record and store them as video, audio or text so that there is less time spent on training, supervising, observing and correcting repetitive tasks, especially in large operations where several people do the same work in multiple locations.”

No quick fixes

Determining what you want the end goal to be and then working backwards to achieve it is not a quick fix, but farmers could see significant progress in a year’s time, says Chambers. “It may involve some short-term suffering to get there but if you know, you can plan for it.”

Dobson agrees it’s not a quick fix but in time he finds people are amazed at what they can accomplish once they get out of problem-solving mode and build towards the outcome they want instead. “When they are hyper-selective about where they put their attention, they can be hyper-productive and hyper-efficient.”

If you’re too busy to get started on this process now, Chambers suggests putting a note in your phone to remind you during a slower season.

For instance, I remember a time when I was a very angry, reactive person. My family was always on edge, never sure when I was going to blow up. And honestly, most of what set me off were things I couldn’t control anyway, such as the weather, markets and other people’s behaviour.

It felt like I was carrying the weight of the world, and I didn’t know how to put it down.

Then I was introduced to something called the Thought Model, and my world did a complete 180 — not overnight, but slowly, steadily and deeply. I began to see that the way I thought about the situation was often more powerful than the situation itself.

There’s a quiet shift that happens when we start to separate what we can control from what we can’t — or, more importantly, when we realize how much power we actually have in the way we think.

A mindset shift isn’t just about “staying positive.” It’s about recognizing that our thoughts create our feelings, which shape how we respond to situations.

Consider the difference between “this is too much, I can’t do this,” and “this is a lot, but I’ve done hard things before.”

It’s subtle, but that one shift in thinking can be the difference between spiraling and staying grounded.

Resilience isn’t about pretending things are easy. It’s about learning how to lead yourself emotionally through the hard times.

It’s choosing to return, again and again, to the space where calm, clarity and choice still live — even when the world around you is unpredictable.

And when you start noticing your thoughts, that’s where the door really opens. The Thought Model offers a way to see the full picture: what you’re thinking, how it’s making you feel and why you’re showing up the way you are.

It’s a map back to yourself, to a grounded, empowered way of leading.

When you understand the whole picture, a whole new perspective becomes available, one that’s not ruled by circumstances, but by clarity, curiosity and intentional choice.

Arlen Motz is a community-rooted farmer and leadership coach.

It sounds simple, but it’s not just small talk. At this time of year, many farm leaders forget to pause and evaluate, even briefly. When you’re wearing multiple hats in the business, it’s understandable that during the busiest season, reflection slips down the priority list.

Why strong leaders prepare ahead

The farms that planned ahead did their work before harvest. They set clear objectives and metrics for their team, reflected on struggles from last year and defined what success should look like. Employees were given these expectations in advance and invited to provide feedback to ensure clarity.

Now that equipment is rolling, those leaders can answer “How’s your team performing?” with more than a casual “good.” They can have focused, productive conversations.

Even without objectives, leadership still counts

If you didn’t set detailed objectives before harvest, don’t worry (consider that your goal for 2026). But make no mistake: a lack of pre-set objectives doesn’t excuse leaders from addressing performance issues as they arise. In fact, it’s your responsibility to ensure small problems don’t snowball into bigger ones.

While I started by asking about your team’s performance, the truth is, it’s really your performance as a leader that matters here.

Why we avoid tough conversations

The simple act of addressing problems is one of the things I coach farmers on most. I get why it’s hard: direct conversations feel like conflict, and very few people enjoy conflict. But here’s what I’ve seen over years of leading and coaching teams:

• When handled properly, coaching conversations almost never result in conflict.
• The more you have them, the easier they get.

Four keys to handling performance issues properly

When I say “handled properly,” I mean there are a few things within your control:

• Your Why — Be clear on why you’re raising the issue. Don’t nitpick at small irritations while ignoring the root problem. Address what truly matters.
• Your Mindset — Enter the conversation with openness and curiosity, not anger. If you’re seeing red, take a walk, grab some water or call a friend before speaking to your employee.
• Your Timing — Think of any performance issue as having a 48-hour shelf life. If you don’t address it within that window, the chance for effective correction is often gone. Exceptions exist, but don’t delay.
• Your How — Match the weight of the conversation to the seriousness of the issue.
• Minor issue: A quick word in the field. “Next time, could you try [X] instead of [Y]? Here’s why …”
• Repeated behaviour: A casual coffee chat. “I’ve noticed you often [X]. Is there something going on? If not, here’s what I’d like to see instead.”
• Safety concerns: No shortcuts. Sit down privately, document the conversation and confirm understanding.

Why it matters, especially at harvest

Ignoring small problems in the busy season doesn’t just delay progress; it risks safety, morale and efficiency. Those are three things you can’t afford to compromise when harvest is on the line.

But the reverse is also true: timely coaching builds trust, strengthens teamwork and keeps operations running smoothly when every hour counts.

Don’t fear getting it wrong

Finally, don’t let the fear of saying something imperfect stop you from addressing issues at all. None of us get it right 100 per cent of the time. If you realize you handled a conversation poorly, own it. Tell the employee how you should have approached it and commit to doing better next time. You’ll earn respect, not lose it.

A harvest takeaway

Harvest rewards accuracy and efficiency and the same is true of leadership. Addressing problems promptly helps your team stay safe, effective and aligned.

Sara Chambers is a farm management consultant with Backswath Management Inc. She can be reached at 431-554-5390 or sara.chambers@backswath.com.

Putting an effective strategy in place, one that provides a solid foundation for the many decisions that occur on a farm throughout the year, is a product of leadership.

On the other hand, leadership, specifically the action of carving out time to build and train an effective leadership team, would be one of the key components of any well-designed strategy.

They are intertwined. Let’s untangle them a bit and see where a typical farm could or should start.

There can be some sensitivity within a farm family about formally applying a title to the leadership function within the business, such as chief executive officer.

This is understandable. For many years, farms have survived and even thrived without it.

However, things change. It’s somewhat inevitable that, as an industry, we have come to the point where continued growth in size and complexity necessitates a more deliberate and defined approach to the leadership role on the management team.

We’ve watched numerous farms struggle with the dynamics and optics of who “gets” to be the CEO.

It’s possible to have a rotating CEO role where, within a family farm, each management team member serves a term as CEO.

It can work, yes, but it’s not ideal.

For example, the big picture decisions of a farm have long-lasting implications. Strategies need to be robust enough to stand the test of time, through good years and more importantly, the bad years.

A rotating CEO can introduce so much change that it works against the very principles of a long-term strategy.

The CEO title in and of itself is not as important as what it represents and what its function is within the family business.

This dynamic isn’t unique to farms. Small and medium sized family businesses similarly struggle with the leadership function.

For farms, while there are sound reasons why a defined leadership role, such as a CEO, will benefit the family farm business, accountability is a shared responsibility. It isn’t the responsibility of one individual.

There is also the issue of focus when it comes to strategic leadership.

This also connects with accountability. Leaders on farms logically are inclined to focus on operational leadership — day-to-day operations, problem solving and ensuring the smooth functioning of the farm.

We’ve established that strategy and leadership are fundamentally connected.

Strategy presents the path that a business uses to achieve what the business (farm and family) is working toward. Leadership involves guiding individuals and business along the way.

Strategic leadership involves effective communication and adaptability because a farm business is not static, and decision-making that is aligned with the long-term vision and accountability is required to get things done.

It is especially important that we stop for a minute here and extend the timeline out for 20 years.

Increasingly, the effectiveness of a leader in a farm family business will be tied to the big picture, creating the plan for the organization and effectively guiding it toward its overall vision. That’s strategic leadership. And it plays directly into transition.

One of the common pitfalls of intergenerational transition is the lack of leadership — where someone within a farm family takes a leadership role and literally starts the process.

Even more problematic, from our observations, are situations where leadership is lacking when it comes to implementation and where the whole process drags or even stalls completely.

Simply put, farms struggle with transition as they are currently structured. Imagine what the associated challenges will be with transitioning a farm 20 years from now.

The leadership that will be required to effectively guide a farm family through that transition must begin to be put in place long before the transition occurs.

As well, that leadership function through the future transition will benefit from having an accompanying robust strategy.

To wrap up, it doesn’t necessarily matter if you choose the chicken or the egg. Working toward either a) defining leadership, or b) setting strategy, will inevitably result in the improvement of the other.

Therefore, it’s less important to worry about which one to start with — It’s more important that you start.

Leadership and strategy are just as important as operating efficiency when considering the long-term, big-picture horizon.