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Sex vs. intimacy

Q: Ever since my husband started taking those little blue pills a few weeks ago, our sex life has improved immensely. It is still not as robust as it was when we were first married many years ago, but it is a huge step up from the frustrations we have experienced more recently. I do not want to sound unappreciative but even though life is more satisfying for me now, I am struggling a bit with it. It just feels funny to think that my husband’s love for me is encapsulated in a little pill we pick up from the pharmacy. It doesn’t feel authentic.

A: You might find it useful for you and your husband to see your family doctor together. You seem to have some bad information about the medication that your husband is taking.

Your physician can help both of you better understand what your husband’s medication is doing.

The pill has nothing to do with his feelings for you. All that his medication does is give him the capability to be intimate.

The feelings are already there. They just needed some help. The pill does not work if no love is there with which to begin.

Most relationships have periods when people do not get along. Financial problems, worries about children, unpredictable weather, intrusive in-laws and daily tensions can create a rift between a couple.

A little pill is not going to bring their relationship back for them. To reconnect, they have to resort to the old-fashioned, one on one moment together, talking through anxieties and reaffirming their commitments and respect for each other.

Once they have recommitted themselves to the relationship, the pill can help them enhance intimacy.

We can never replicate in our laboratories what nature conjured in the first place. The medication your husband is taking may help your sex life but chances are that it will not be the magnificent moment it once was.

That is all that you can expect and that is all that is likely to happen, and that’s not so bad.

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